iPot

Developer: Aedeas Group, LLC/ApplaunchPR or Next Studios, it's a little hazy.
Category: Medicinal
Version: 4.20
Release Date: June 18, 2009
Size: 1.2 MB
Rating: It's All Good Dude

I wanted to write this review last week, but I kept putting it off. Then I would forget to do it, then put it off some more and then, whoa, like serious time had gone by without me even realizing it.

Wait.

What was I doing again?

Oh yeah, reviewing iPot! I remember now.

Wow, "big round of applause for California laws" as Fat Mike says. If you are one of those who don't know, (or can't remember) California has de-criminalized marijuana for medicinal purposes with the passing of Proposition 215. I won't ramble on about the details, but through a series of steps one can obtain an ID card, and then purchase marijuana legally to aid in the easing of a seemingly endless number of afflictions. These afflictions include pain, stress, anxiety, hair loss, toenail fungus, bad breath, insomnia, social awkwardness, un-mellowness and not feeling high unless you have smoked some really good pot. And some other things too, but I can't remember them.

First thing's first, I fired up (get it?) iPot after I struggled to find it in the sea of apps on my iPhone because I had forgotten where it was and what the icon looked like. Actually, taking it way back, I had to ride my bike over to my bro Eddie's house because I had left my iPhone there, and then it  took a while to find because I used the Find My iPhone feature on my MobileMe account and the flashing blue circle would only get me in the  general area of his house and the two houses on either side of his, where I was pretty sure I hadn't been, but checked anyway, but I eventually found it in the freezer next to the ice cream sandwiches. So I ate two of them, really, really fast. Then I spaced out for a little while.

The first thing that iPot does is warn you that iPot is an entertainment app. No way dude, it's MEDICINAL. Then it tells you that location listings are subject to change and historically change quite often. Same old story I guess- my buddy Scratchy Steve-ee, it used to be impossible to track him down when you needed him and he never answered his phone either. Then iPot tells you it is not responsible for the validity of the content and is not making any recommendations for any of the "venues" listed. I take this to mean that "It's All Good Dudes". At the bottom of that first screen it says if you want to create your own iPhone app go to AppLaunchPR.com. I think I'll do that, I have an awesome idea for an app that looks like a huge burning joint when you suck on the mic end of the iPhone, but I'll do it later, like next week. Or maybe next month. Or maybe sometime, I don't know quite when, but I'll get around to it.

The next screen launches Google Maps, and the app asks if you would like it to find your current location. Whoa. Easy dude. I started to get WAY paranoid, then I realized I was not quite sure where I was, so I allowed it to find me. I then waited a couple of minutes, ready to run when the cops who had tricked us all and were monitoring the app descended on me, but they all must have been out at Dunkin' Donuts or something, because nothing happened and it was just me still standing there. I looked at my iPhone and the Google map told me that I am in Boston, not San Francisco, and I realized that I would not be buying a bag of legal weed today. Which is ok because I really don't have the money for it anyhow.

The search option blew my mind dude. There are over 800 "venues" listed , with cool names like "Emerald Triangle Ministry", "Angel City Caregivers", "Connoisseur's Collective" and many, many, many others. Over 800. Did I say that already? Whoa. A LOT of people smoke pot these days I guess. I checked out the "Details" for some of these venues. They have a 1 through 5 pot leaf rating, and most are rated 5 pot leafs. Imagine that. I guess how bad could a place be that sells legal weed? The address is given, and you can Google Map it. The phone number is there too. That blew me away because Scratchy Steve-ee had a totally secret phone number and only like certain people were allowed to go over to his house, and only at certain times, because his girlfriend would get all chapped at us when we hung out too long playing Tony Hawk Pro Skater on his Playstation.

So, check it out, not only can you buy pot legally in California if you are having trouble sleeping or have brown toenails or some such uncool affliction, you can have a real, living, breathing, smoking, app on your iPhone that will guide you straight to the nearest Dankle-Berry Super Kind. Combined with Yelp this thing would be as deadly as Scratchy Steve-ee's 3 foot glass RAHR, or even his Volcano.

At the last screen we are reminded, because we promptly will forget, that life is not really something to be serious about, the app is for entertainment purposes only, that weed dealers move around a lot and that "It's All Good". Then I went back to the Find My Location screen at the beginning because I was not quite sure where I was again, realized that I was at Eddie's in Roslindale and that the Freezer was open and I should probably shut it. Then I thought to myself, " Man, I should move to the Bay Area". I could do it next week, it's not like I have a job or anything to hold me back.